


Back to December

by saturnhoshi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Crying, Established Relationship, Goodbyes, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21921991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnhoshi/pseuds/saturnhoshi
Summary: "Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind,You gave me roses and I left them there to die."Jihoon deals with his feelings after Soonyoung broke up with him. They meet again, and Jihoon says goodbye.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 22





	Back to December

The night is cold, the air is freezing, flakes are falling, and so are his tears.

Jihoon wonders if his tears are also turning into flakes as they fall and meet the icy space.

He walks on the familiar road, the one he used all year round, now covered with snow. The memories of walking _him_ home are starting to overwhelm his mind again. Moreover, what was beginning to appear in his mind were the recollections of his face. His pretty smile that lighted Jihoon's world. His lips, most of the time covered with lip balm because he hated having dry lips. Also his beautiful eyes, always looking so intensely at Jihoon he couldn't help feeling like he was melting (although it was the start of winter). Not to mention the reminiscences of his hair, and how it changed throughout the four seasons. Jihoon remembers when winter light blonde became a pretty spring pink. And then, when summer came, so did his new orange hair. It eventually turned brown in autumn. In the time that the Earth has traveled around the Sun, Soonyoung has had many new hair colors, and Jihoon loved them all. It was so refreshing to see his lover in a new light every time he came back from the hairdresser. Jihoon was constantly excited to discover what would be Soonyoung’s new hair color, especially for this winter and their first anniversary. Nevertheless they broke up before Soonyoung even dyed his hair, and before they even celebrated their first year together.

Time passes by, and soon enough Jihoon is in front of his door. He doesn’t even know how he landed here. The truth is, he has nothing to do there. Not when it’s already been a week since Soonyoung broke up with him. Above all, this place alone is enough to make him suffer. His heart is in pain and his mind is blank, it’s like he can’t feel anything but sadness and sorrow. These feelings are the opposite of the happiness and the joy he always felt next to Soonyoung.

By his sides, it wasn’t pain that his heart felt. It was something so warm that never failed to make him dizzy. It was delight and euphoria; it was like reaching the thing he’s always craved for, again and again. Soonyoung’s hugs cheered Jihoon, his kisses were ecstasy, and his scent was addictive. He loved watching Soonyoung dancing. He always saw him as a prodigious person, a graceful and beautiful boy. And he was all his. At first, Jihoon had a hard time believing he and Soonyoung were officially a thing. He waited for it for so long. But every touch, every kiss, and every compliment Soonyoung gifted him helped him believe it and more than anything, made him feel so alive. Jihoon hadn’t felt that for a while.

Now, all Jihoon feels is him being pathetic. His eyes are now dry because he cried too much. ‘This is so stupid,’ he thinks. In the end, he decides to turn around and to go home. He tightens his long black coat (that still smells like Soonyoung) and begins to head back home.

“Jihoon?” a voice asks in the dark. Jihoon could recognize his voice anywhere. He wishes he couldn’t. It would have been easier to ignore it. Because how could he ever ignore Soonyoung? Even with all his might he wouldn’t be able to. Jihoon simply stills. “What are you doing here at this hour?” Jihoon doesn’t dare to stare at him. It’s not that he’s scared of being blinded by the light emanating from Soonyoung, like he’s always been. No, he’s scared of noticing the disappearance of the light. It was still there when Soonyoung broke up with him. But what if it disappeared, now? It would mean there’s no turning back. It would mean Soonyoung wasn’t his no more.

At first, Jihoon doesn’t answer. Firstly, because even he doesn’t know what he’s doing here in the first place. Secondly, because he’s scared his voice might break if he speaks. After some time, Jihoon takes a deep breath and opens his mouth,

“I came to see you. I’m sorry”, is all Jihoon says before trying to shove his way through the stairs without touching Soonyoung (which is actually really difficult because Soonyoung is right in the middle of the stairs). Jihoon closes his eyes while walking, anxious he might explode if Soonyoung touches him, if Soonyoung says something, or worse; if Soonyoung doesn’t do anything. Jihoon has reached his limit. Yet, Soonyoung grabs his arm, gently. Jihoon wants to scream. He wants to disappear. He wants to cry. Not because he wants Soonyoung to let him go, but because he doesn’t want this moment to end. He wishes Soonyoung could hold onto him forever.

“Jihoon, please. Talk to me.”

He feels like crying. Jihoon thinks for a moment and holds his breath. At last, he gathers his courage and takes a look into the eyes of the man he’s madly in love with. He notices Soonyoung dyed his hair black. Jihoon holds a nervous laugh. He always wanted to see Soonyoung with black hair, but not in those conditions. And still, he can’t help thinking that tonight Soonyoung looks prettier than he ever did.

Soonyoung always looked like the sun. His smile always radiated warmness all over Jihoon. His shiny eyes were stars surrounding the leading light. How come for the first time since Jihoon met him, tonight Soonyoung looked like the moon? Bright, shiny, and radiating nothing but coldness.

“There’s nothing more to say, don’t you think?” Jihoon says bitterly.

“Jihoon, please. You know I care about you. You don’t have to keep your guard up with me. I’m not going to hurt you, not anymore. The last thing I want is to see you hurting. Please.”

Jihoon nods. “I know that. I came on my own, I’m the one hurting myself here and I’m very aware of that. I guess I just wanted to tell you goodbye. You don’t have to say anything, Soonyoung. I won’t bother you anymore, I promise.”

Jihoon waits for Soonyoung to release him but he doesn’t. They keep staring at each other for a very long moment, both breathing the same air and standing still. Jihoon fights the need to get closer. What he truly needs right now is to leave; if not, he’s afraid he will break down in front of Soonyoung. He doesn’t want that to happen at all. “Please let me go,” he asks one last time. Soonyoung frees Jihoon’s arm. Jihoon only breathes a thank you before heading home. His hands are stuck in his pockets, his face is facing the ground and his whole being is at the limit of shaking but still, he doesn’t turn back, not even once.

"Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind,  
You gave me roses and I left them there to die"

**Author's Note:**

> hello <3 this is already my second work on this platform. i wanted this to be a happy ending but i kinda like the way it ended. do u ever sit and think. what if i wrote angst. i've got inspiration for angst. angst angst angst honestly this might not be the most hardcore angst existing out there but it still hurts my soul to write or to read about sad!jihoonie. he deserved better but maybe soonyoung had his reasons ? things might not always work out but trust the process. in the end it'll just become an experience that made you into the wonderful person you are today. and whoever is reading this, you are amazing. jihoon is amazing too and so is soonyoung and the rest of seventeen obviously but you got my point
> 
> please be kind and respectful. also, let me know what you thought about this by commenting or leaving kudos. comments are veryyy appreciated btw !! they never fail to make my day when they're nice 
> 
> btw i wish you all a merry christmas and happy holidays !
> 
> ps: english is not my first language :)


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